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Sexual Frustration Symptoms

Sexual frustration is a common problem among men and women that nobody really wants to talk about in detail. You don’t go around town telling people, even your best friends, that you’re having sexual hang-ups because your spouse or partner doesn’t really give you satisfaction.

Despite society becoming more and more liberal, sexual frustration is a conversation that remains largely unspoken, with people manifesting only its symptoms but never its underlying causes. It’s like a hidden time bomb that’s ticking away in people’s consciousness, torturing them mentally and hampering their enjoyment of life. It’s a bomb that seems ready to explode at any moment, prevented only from doing so by the shame of it all.

Even some couples who have known each other for years secretly endure the pain of sexual frustration, pretending that everything’s alright even when clearly it’s not. They get tongue-tied or suddenly have language difficulty when trying to explain to each other what’s bugging them.

Sexual frustration could be due to medical problems, like inhibited sexual desire for women and impotence for men.

Sexual mismatch

In most cases, sexual frustration afflicts men and women who are perfectly healthy. Oftentimes, it’s a case of sexual mismatch when a person has a stronger sexual desire than his or her partner. The common belief is that men desire sex more than women. But sometimes it’s the other way around.

Studies have shown that men often think about having sex, with one study even suggesting that men think sex every 7 seconds, according to WebMD. Another study made by the Ohio State University showed that sex is in the mind of young men 19 times a day. In contrast, young women think about sex only 10 times or less than that a day.

Men and women also have different ways of getting aroused. For men, just the thought of having sex with a woman they fancy is enough to cause arousal. This is not often the case with women who only feel the desire for sex when they are physically stimulated by their partner, according to study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy.

This appears to be the reason why women seem to be less interested in sex than men. They don’t think about it that much, only feeling the urge when they are physically aroused. Even when they are physically stimulated, they feel unsatisfied when they don’t reach orgasm. This is frustrating for both partners.

Frustration creeps in when one person desires sex while his or her partner does not. Oftentimes, lack of sexual desire is caused by stress at the office or at home. When one is physically and mentally drained from work, showing affection through sex becomes a chore—to the dismay of the partner who’s not in the same situation.

Symptoms of sexual frustration

Men and women telegraph their sexual frustration differently.

Women show it by indulging in any of these things:

  • Getting attracted and fantasizing about men they see
  • Exercising to the point of exhaustion
  • Getting irritable even without provocation
  • Crying uncontrollably for no reason
  • Binge-eating on chocolates or any food for that matter
  • Uncontrollably biting nails, tearing up paper and throwing up objects
  • Listening to music with implicit or explicit sexual lyrics
  • Watching movies and TV dramas with plenty of sex scenes
  • Being highly sensitive to skin contact from any man
  • Having sex dreams

Men, on the other hand, reveal their sexual frustration by showing these signs:

  • Becoming restless, nervous, angry, or timid
  • Having sense of guilt for his sexual desires—or lack of it
  • Getting anxious in anticipation of sex
  • Feeling mentally stressed out because of self-dissatisfaction
  • Wallowing in disappointment and plunging into despair
  • Losing sex desire
  • Expressing negative thoughts
  • Having sense of isolation
  • Sweating excessively even with minimal physical exertion
  • Having discomfort while having sex

Solutions

It’s not the end of the world

Sexual frustration is undoubtedly a serious problem that can destroy a family and a once blooming romance. But just like any problem, it can be solved.

Marriage counselors often advise couples to find time for each other despite their busy schedules. They should schedule lovemaking as part of their regular daily or at least weekly routine to foster intimacy. Couples who have turned parents should not assume that their sex live will remain the same after they had children, says renowned sex educator Lou Paget.

“You don’t have to go so far as to pencil it [lovemaking] into your calendar, but at least make sure your partner knows when you are available”, Paget says.

A couple experiencing sexual frustration just needs to compromise if they truly want to heal the rift between them, according to marriage and family therapist Patricia Love. One can initiate the healing process by not insisting on having every sexual act done the way his or her partner wants it. For instance, if your partner wants sex right away, you can tell him or her that it’s best done after a shower.

Couples also need to be creative in relaying their sexual messages to each other, according to sex educator Violet Blue. Couples share just about everything about themselves—their likes and dislikes, their past lives and the way they see things. But when it comes to sex, most couples clam up, which should not be the case.

“The act of having sex begins with someone saying, I want to”, Blue says. “You have to say, I want to, and this is what I want to do”.

Updated: October 2, 2017 — 2:20 am

34 Comments

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  1. Hi,
    What about us single women who are sexually frustrated from not getting any and it’s to the point of pain/discomfort, and masturbating no longer helps. And when it does, it only relieves the tension or discomfort for about 30 minutes? What do we do at that point?

  2. I need advice. I have been in a relationship now for 23 years. The sex stopped about 10 years ago. I am so frustrated. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to leave the relationship but on the same hand I can’t go on like this. He knows I am frustrated. I know he is frustrated too. We don’t know how to get around any of this. HELP!

  3. Hi everyone,
    I need advice!
    I’m a 19 year old female and my boyfriend is 26. We’ve been together a little over a year. I feel like with his age that his sex drive has diminished almost completely. We have sex once every 3 months maybe. Symptoms of sexual frustration are like his, and I have the higher drive in the relationship. I feel unwanted and unattractive. I feel like I’m too young to be going through this. Most couples have children before they go through long periods of dry spells.

    When we were in the puppy phase the sex was great and it still is when it happens! He says it’s his self esteem and that he feels fat, but god knows that man is so damn good looking! How can I fix this?! I’m desperate!!

  4. Hello everyone,

    I would like to keep my name anonymous.
    I am a male 35 and am married with 2 kids. I have been married for 5 years now. I met my wife through family friends, and things just clicked, and everything just happened super fast. By the time I knew we had to get pregnant 6 months after getting married. Crazy!

    Initially, sex was good, but I noticed she would like to fantasize role-playing and talk about other stuff which I didn’t quite understand at the time, I enjoyed it, but it felt like sometimes she is thinking about a certain time in her past and visualize those and get turned on.

    My experience before marriage with other women, they were more into me, but with my wife I sometimes feel she is distant and she never hardly has an orgasm no matter how much I try. I feel like I am not being able to satisfy her and basically our sex life is becoming dull. Other normal general things are OK, but I can’t seem to figure out what’s up. She said I am the first person she is experiencing sex with – in that case, she should be orgasming or be having more sexual desire.

    Last two nights we had sex, but she didn’t seem like she was into it. She said she was tired. Typical excuse but seriously next night things were super hot, and all she had to say was yes tonight was much better than the rest. The worst thing she didn’t cum. Damn it. In my life, I have always been successful, but with my wife, I feel like I am failing.

    Long story short I sometimes feel like she definitely has past experience which she doesn’t want to admit which is fine I can understand that doesn’t bother me. But the problem is she probably isn’t sexually into me. This sucks…

    Tried talking about it but never gets anywhere. This situation is like a time bomb ticking… Now with our second child it’s harder. I dunno if I have been able to explain myself because right at this moment, I just don’t know what will happen. Too many thoughts are going into my mind about a lot of things including, what if she is having an affair. But then again she is a conservative Muslim girl, those who know her from before all have good things to say about her but I am just not being able to understand her. Sorry for the long message, probably makes no sense but had to let it out.

  5. Hi everyone, I’m a woman, 33 yo married for 6 years now, I have 2 kids aged 4 and 5.

    My problem started after the 2 pregnancies. Simple fact: during the day my husband is very controlling and bossy to the extent that I can barely stand him anymore. Something like he monitored every word I say and if he feels that I said something stupid, he will go far lengths in criticizing me, most of the times reducing me to tears.

    At night we try to have sex about 2-3 times per week in which he gets me aroused he finished first and then lets me hanging there. This thing got me to a point where I have massive headaches most days and sore upper back and neck from stress.

    Please help me with advice, but please skip the part where you suggest talking because it doesn’t work. I tried that a million times and the end result is that it’s my fault I’m a bad wife a bad person rotten inside. I didn’t cheat, he didn’t cheat either. We have 2 beautiful kids.

  6. Hi, recently I haven’t been getting turned on and I feel like my vagina is numb and it’s lost any feeling or sensation. I get really frustrated when I try to touch myself – I don’t get any feeling or anything. I’m supposed to be getting married soon and I want to back out because of my dead vagina. I feel like I shouldn’t go into it if I have no sex drive left. My fiancé’s sex drive is quite high.
    What do I do? This is making me stressed out and it doesn’t help my situation.

  7. The Saddest thing about all that is, you are frustrated and still, you want to give it a try and try and try again but no success. I am in a relationship for 8 years and all I can say is that my partner doesn’t wanna have sex at all.

    We Cuddle a lot and do many things together were always together everywhere but sex is the problem the biggest problem. At first, she said it was depression, so okay I’ve helped her with that and had patience. It took me about 2 years.. and during this whole process, we were having sex only 1 time every 3 months.

    I wasn’t satisfied but it was better than nothing cause I know she was under depression and as a partner, I was helping her get out of this…

    Well after the depression was over, she was still having no lust so we went to the doctor because she thought she had HASHIMOTO! But then it came out that it wasn’t this at all. So now 3 years later its still the same. Sex is like Luxus only once every 2 months and sometimes longer..!

    I have come to point where I cant deal with it anymore. So we are now seeing a couple therapist. I hope that we can fix this or otherwise, I feel that I’ll have to walk out of this relationship.

    There is a bunch of other girls out there who want my attention but I am not the kind of person who would cheat on her cause i do really love her. She tells me she loves me every day that she cares but the problem is still the same. we do talk about that problem often and I always end up being so angry and frustrated that I end up being mean and feeling worthless and unwanted and it affects my self-confidence sometimes.

    Everybody wants a beautiful relationship but they ain’t doing nothing to fix it. If you really love your partner… sex shouldn’t be a problem cause you cant forbid Sex.

    If you are not having it with the one you love then you are maybe in the wrong relationship. The way it is going i feel like am kind of a best friend, cause we go out we cuddle we talk we laugh. But when it comes to sex there is nothing 🙁

    1. I’m in the same situation. 🙁

      I’m lucky to get sex once every two months. My sex drive is higher than his. I feel lonely, depressed and unwanted. We are best friends and love each other. Our sex is good but he doesn’t want to have sex. I feel stressed and this has really impacted my self-esteem. I love him but I need to have sex.

  8. I am 28 years of age, I been with my wife for six years. My wife is always cleaning, always tired. She always tells me that she is busy and that at night time she will. Once it is night time, she doesn’t want to do it. I am tired of begging for sex. We do it like maybe 3 or 4 times a month. I am a supervisor at a Casino, and I get a lot of women’s attention, and they even hint that they want me. I try to talk to her about my sexual problem. But I feel she is ignoring me. I need to have sex. Soon, I can’t take it.

    1. If she is “always cleaning” and “always tired” you could pick up a broom and help her. She may feel more appreciated and be less tired and more open to the idea.

  9. Wow…. people with a high sex drive sound like total emotional nut jobs. Have you ever thought to maybe distract yourself with the billions of other amazing things life has to offer? The endless amount of fascination the natural world offers to those who seek to learn about it. Have you never seen the Seinfeld episode where George gives up obsessing about sex and ends up becoming educated and amazed by science?

    I came to this site because my boyfriend is like you guys. He has to have sex at least once every few days, or he literally becomes a monster, and honestly, I’m sick of this shit. Being sexually frustrated does not give anybody a get out of jail free card for acting mean, for cheating, for gawking at the opposite sex, etc. You guys basically rationalize every stupid thing you do and blame it on your sex drive while at the same time relieving yourself of any responsibility for your careless behaviour. The only thing causing chaos in your relationship is you. As partners, you guys are a disaster waiting to happen. You yell, you pout, you ogle, you cheat, you blame the other and then rationalize it all with oh, it’s my sex drive. You’re basically no different than bonobo apes.

    You need to remember that our brains are similar to play-doh. One has the power to mold their brain in such a way that can make or break habits… given that you have the determination to follow through. Want to exercise everyday? Do it everyday for a few weeks and that part of your brain expands and it becomes routine. The region of your brain responsible for sexual thoughts is huge and it overwhelms the rest of your thought. If you would try distracting yourself – even if it’s difficult, keeping at it would then decrease the size of that region… you would eventually not be so consumed by sexual thoughts.

    If I can speak on behalf of all your partners, then let me tell you I am fed up with the craziness and constant turmoil caused by a maniacal sexually frustrated monster. I am a peaceful person, I am reasonable and intelligent, and I will put out on a fairly regular basis and only when I’m in the mood to do so. I am not going to be forced or made to feel inadequate by some primate stomping around like some gorilla grunting “Me need sex.”

    I love my boyfriend, he is the sexiest thing in the world to me, always has been. I love having sex. When we do, it’s always great. But I also have many other interests. The mysteries of the universe, natural phenomena, watching documentaries on just about every living organism on the planet, new discoveries in health and well being, cooking dishes I’ve never tried before, just started baking cakes using fondant to create amazing decorations, constantly keeping up with the war that’s being waged in politics and culture, and I also have 2 nieces I love spending time with whenever I can. I have so many interests, excuse me if I don’t think about sex every minute of my life. My boyfriend on the other hand, has absolutely no hobbies and no interests besides smoking weed.

    Bottom line, it’s annoying. You guys are annoying… deal with it in the many ways available to you, or don’t and start your own colony of bonobo-like humans. And to the poster who said he’s at his wits end and looking for chemical castration? Like seriously? That’s your only option eh? Sorry to say it, but nobody on this forum sounds too bright. Wah wah I’m horny… that didn’t work so I basically give up is what you’re all saying. Expand your mind… or don’t. I don’t care. Just stop being whiny unpredictable little bitches and stop killing your relationship with the person that loves you the most.

    1. It’s amazing how you know so much about people who suffer from this. You should consider writing a book…

      Perhaps, on the other hand, you don’t have a clue.

      Perhaps, many of these people do have hobbies.

      Perhaps, many of these people don’t even use drugs and in no way relate to your boyfriend who, if his only hobby is smoking weed, probably isn’t out to make much of himself… Perhaps your viewpoint is the only “primate” thing here. This isn’t a male only problem…

      It may be the case, that you don’t fully understand what you’re talking about. Just because you think something, doesn’t make that something right.

      You clearly have no research or knowledge on this topic, just an opinion formed from your own frustration with your boyfriend which you are now associating with all people who feel this way.

      Someone who attacks people and belittles them over something they are trying to research and understand, that is primitive. You are in no place to tell anyone to expand their mind…

      People are struggling with this… This is a real struggle, just as real as any struggle in a relationship. As with all struggles, being able to communicate it and share it with your partner is very important.

      Good luck.

      1. I agree with you. Some people are just talking but they have no clue.

    2. I am a woman in my late thirties, in good physical shape (not a bonobo ape with plain basic instincts). I have plenty of hobbies, interests, activities and a good job and two teenage children yet and I am sexually frustrated, and it has caused a deep sense of sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness.

      Sex brings intimacy, closeness among two people who love each other and expresses what in many ways words cannot.

      My frustration has come from my boyfriend of five years constant rejection, excuses and avoiding all forms of intimacy. I discovered he had an affair for a whole year and now we are in a even worse situation than before. After endless conversations and recounting events over and over throughout the years, I was able to get some clues of why and how this even happened.

      There is still a lot of love from both of us but he has an inability of having sexual thoughts with the person he feels deep love for. I am love, companion, family, travel, kids, future, etc. And the other person was just plain meaningless pleasure. That liaison is over and he never had an intention to make it his life life partner.

      As you can now picture, there are many many reasons why people can feel frustrated and it is not out of plain boredom that we want to be intimate with someone we love.. I have memories of what we built together, a lot of love for him as a person now that any possibility of romance has diminished even more. He has great qualities but never took care of an underlying psychological issue that has surfaced in his previous relationships and now we are in a very sad emotional state because we are sitting on a mountain of broken pieces.

      I hope you can now understand that not every sexual and intimacy depravation story is the same or for shallow reasons of “nothing better to do”. I do feel like your boyfriend’s lack of other interests is what bothers you and understandably so since you are into many other things. But I bet you that if he was into a lot of other things and stops wanting to be intimate with you, or stops caressing you and getting turned on in your presence, you’ll start wondering what is happening and worrying about why he is not into you anymore.

    3. Wow, this is exactly the smack in the face I needed, I love my gf more than anything, and I hate my behavior when she doesn’t feel like having sex even though we have sex at least twice a week. I basically need to grow up and like you said, there is much much more to life than sex even though I love it so much lol thanks for the wake-up call.

  10. Must admit that I do get a lot of those symptoms. Been married for 15 years, recently had a child and the last 7 years my sex life with my wife has been somewhat dull and non-existent.

    I selfishly ended up cheating on her for a while (which stopped now). My sex drive is very high, and my wife is not interested at all, which makes me feel unwanted, unattractive and like I am alone. I don’t put any pressure on my wife about it, and I know things change after having kids. But the 6 years before having kids is where things seemed to start. Before, things were fine, exciting, and we did different things. We used to have sex weekly but now it is more like quarterly and usually rushed.

    I know that being comfortable after a long time together slows everything down. But I just feel that I haven’t at all. I try to accommodate her difference in libido, but it is really hard.

    Are there any medicines out there that I can use to kill my libido and thus bring harmony to our relationship? I don’t want my constant pessimism, short temper and frustration to ruin our home life or even change how my daughter sees me.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    1. Unfortunately, I have no advice for you, but I will be following your post cause I am in your exact same situation… I could have written the post myself, save for the fact that I am the female in the relationship. My husband has not shown any interest in me whatsoever in over six months now, and I’m extremely confused because I am not unattractive or anything of the sort… Needless to say, this situation is making me feel extremely down, unattractive and lonely. Discussing how I feel will not work as I tried it with no success. He simply denies there is a problem or that he is not attracted to me, but it’s quite obvious that it’s not the case 🙁

      1. It is hard.

        I can fully understand desires are different. But the rejection part has led to weight gain on my part and a few other problems. Mostly I just feel really negative and unwanted which in turn is affecting my daily life.

        I can’t reason with her, and she shows no interest at all. So the only thing I can do is change myself. If it takes some kind of medicine that alters my libido and testosterone then so be it. It’s either that or I regress further and end up cheating on her again to fill the gap, which I really don’t want.

  11. I’m a 34-year-old male. I physically cannot ejaculate through masturbation. I’m very sexually frustrated as my partner is suffering from vaginal depression (dryness) so our sex life is almost none existent. We start but never get anywhere, so I become more and more frustrated. My balls ache a lot more as time has gone. Any tips to help with ejaculating – as I really can’t when masturbating. My partner feels terrible because of the situation. Not gonna lie – it sometimes feels like she doesn’t want me, but she assures me she really really does want sex with me, but can’t get wet enough or becomes tired suddenly. We have a 4-year-old that tires us both out. Any help or advice would be welcome.

    1. Try to spice up your sexual connection somehow. Maybe get sex toys. As for ejaculating easier – we wrote a guide.

  12. I’m 30 and in a long distance relationship at the moment. I have a sexual frustration, and the signs are there… I’m a single mom, and my boyfriend knows about my past. It’s just that I want to talk to him about intimate topics, but I’m too shy to start a conversation. How can I approach him about this matter? I don’t want to end our relationship just because of this matter.

  13. I’m 20, and my girlfriend is 24. My sexual desire is way higher than hers, and I’m having all the signs of being sexually frustrated, but can’t tell her because she’s already stressed and I don’t want to put any more on her. Now I’m starting to lose interest in everything that I do.

  14. I’m 53 years old and very very sexually frustrated. I have a partner but am not being satisfied, and I’m not sure how to tell him. I have been single for a very long time but have been friends with my mate for more than 10 years. We never had a serious relationship over the 10 years. We’ve been together a total of 5 times twice in the past 3 months.

    Recently within the past 6 months, we decided to enter into a serious monogamous relationship. Now before our decision, I was just fine sexually. I had actually made the decision not to indulge and didn’t for 4 years. But now since making this decision and being more sexually active, I find myself being aroused sexually but never reaching that orgasm (but faking it very well for his ego).

    I’m getting so frustrated that I’m doing things I would never do and find myself looking for sexual pleasure from someone else. I haven’t gone outside the relationship and have never cheated in any relationship I’ve ever had – but find myself really getting to that point.

    Please help me – what do I do? I’m literally getting sick with this, unexplained stomach pains for one. Help what do I do?

    1. I can fully sympathise with you here.

      I sadly did go outside the relationship after being married for more than 10 years that lasted 2 years until I stopped.

      My wife has no interest at all over the last 7-8 years, and I find myself stressed, horny, aroused by the minor things, feeling worthless and unattractive, short-tempered, no motivation and no interest in anything. It is really hard, and I do think you should try to talk to your partner about it, find a mutual ground or seek counselling before things get worse.

      I am currently looking into chemical castration for myself as a solution as talking has not worked, my wife won’t compromise, and I have a daughter.

      It is very hard, and often partners see it as overreaction or petty on our part. But it is, in fact, an issue that does cause damage.

  15. Honestly, I have had a slew of men, but I am too busy with my business to hold a constant relationship. I have bought a number of sex toys from an awesome online sex shop. I am way too squeamish to go into a sexshop in person, and I wasn’t sure these toys would deliver the type of feeling I needed to help me out of my personal frustration with my sex life, but honest to god – I’m orgasming more than ever before. There’s something super cool about being able to pleasure yourself, exactly as you want at any time.

  16. I am in a 6.5-year relationship, love him dearly.
    I get rejection towards sex, progressed from the start, numerous excuses (could now write a book there have been so many!?!).
    Now there is nothing physical between us…
    Finding rejection in all walks of life, which is very tough at the moment…
    Any ideas!?????

    1. Hi Emma,

      Don’t worry everyone goes through this. There’s something about partners being with each other for a long time that bridges the gap between wild lust and more comfortable, slow-burning passion. Honestly the second is a much better constant. I would just bring it up with him super casually. Ask him what he wants in terms of intimacy.
      Good luck beautiful!

  17. Hi –

    I have been in correspondence via texts with teasing mostly with a guy for about 1 and a half months. We had planned to meet many times, but we were busy or last minute or late so could not. He seems to really be interested asking me on dates or to his place tho he seems to want to choose the place since he is asking also wants to be a little dominating so I try to bring few places up, but he got upset with me.

    So finally, I met him at his place a week ago. We had a great connection & chemistry with mostly talking (sometimes about intimate topics) tho I think he was very sexually frustrated waiting for me to finally meet up with him.

    He tells me, twice, that he is a very nice guy 😉 I said, We will see about that …

    I left his place & tried to text & call him, but he does not respond. Since meeting him, I really have a strong interest in him, since he was so charming, playful nature, flirty, caring, genuinely nice, gentlemanly, intelligent, made me feel comfortable, and we could discuss anything …

    Please help !!!
    What should I do or say to him to try to get him to talk to me again …..
    Elisabeth

    1. Hi Elizabeth

      Nothing, do or say nothing. I would give this guy a miss and pursue others. Nice guys do not need to tell you they’re nice, they just are. It sounds very much like this guy was only interested in sex with you and when you didn’t provide it, he lost interest and is most probably onto the next girl.

      Sorry I know that’s harsh to hear but take away all the conversations and look at the facts. He has control issues, he got annoyed by you making suggestions, he only really wants to meet at his place, and you said he was sexually frustrated!

      If you’re only interested in a sexual relationship and not an emotional one, then that’s fine, but this guy is not interested in a relationship.

      Test out a text that you really liked him and want a second date but want to take things slow; he’ll ignore you.

      Then text him that you’re feeling hot and horny and that you want to see him, he’ll definitely talk to you, probably straight away.

      If this happens, then I would block him and/or delete his number then get on with your own life and onto someone who can give you a relationship and sex.

      Wishing you luck love and happiness.

  18. This article only helps married couples. How about single guys? I am 34 and EXTREMELY shy. I do give away all the signs of sexual frustration. When I read all the signs, I cried because those signs are what I’m suffering right now. People have tried to help me to be better, but I can’t help it. Talking to women is EXTREMELY difficult for me. I don’t think that’s ever going to change.

  19. Wow I can’t believe I found this website… I’ve had this problem for a long time I’m a female and in my 30s but my age really doesn’t matter because my sex drive hasn’t changed since I’ve started puberty. I didn’t lose my virginity until I turned 16. I’ve been in 4 long-term relationships and in every one of those relationships I’ve been turned down every time I’d ask for sex.

    The 1st real relationship started at age 18 lasted for 3 years. I wanted sex a lot he always turned me down by saying that I wanted it way too much. I also know for a fact that he cheated on me.

    The 2nd relationship I was 21 he was 35. This relationship lasted 3 years, and he was a great guy who had financial problems. During the relationship, he allowed himself to get into a lot of debt. He became extremely depressed even was diagnosed with manic depression. Sex with him was nonexistent within the last year together. I know he never had cheated.

    The 3rd relationship lasted 2 years, and he told me when I would ask for sex that I wanted it too much and he also cheated.

    The 4th relationship and the one I’m in now, is going on for 6 years. I’m 33 he is 48… Sex was good the first 3 years but now it’s gotten worse… Since the last 3 rejected sex relationships I’ve been very scared to ask for it, but the last 2 years I’ve started asking, and he turns me down, but recently I’ve stopped asking and just been dealing with the sexual frustration silently. Well, I do mention it to my two best girlfriends. I have mentioned a few times that his testosterone levels are extremely low and he thinks so too. He claims he stressed from work which he does have a stressful job, but when he wasn’t working, that was also his excuse. I bought him some testosterone boosters, but I’m not sure if he has started taking them yet. But he may have been taking them because we have had sex 3 or 4 times within the last 3 months which is very good since it used to be once every 2 months. I just hope it gets better for me. Being sexually rejected for so long has made me extremely scared of marriage because I don’t believe in divorce and I’m scared the person is gonna do this to me, and I’ll have to deal with it forever. This feeling is so depressing I know I could go to masturbating but it makes me just so mad, and I feel extremely guilty when I’m done. I know this article is about sexual frustration and not sexual rejection, but I had to tell someone other than my two best buds, I’m sure they are tired of hearing about it.

    1. Two amazing responses there … what intrigued me tho was Kel… I do get you… and I think you’re just at the wrong place… perhaps try speaking bluntly about it to him. And if the response doesn’t set or give any clarification or make any substance then it could be fair to say your an amazing girl who’s just caught up in the wrong romance. He’s just not that type I guess.

    2. Kel, your story is quite extraordinary. One thing I’m curious to know is, what sort of sociocultural milieu did you grow up in that you regard losing your virginity at 16 as having been late? What do you believe the average was among your friends, or in your neighborhood, or in your high school class, or wherever?

  20. Thank you for addressing this issue. I’m female, in my 20’s, and a bit shy. I do date but won’t have sex until I am married. My main symptoms are fantasizing about men and having sexual dreams. Although this article deals with married couples, sexual frustration is very real in those who are single also. Maybe it’s not talked about that much, but singles probably masturbate to deal with their sexual frustrations. For myself (I still live with my family), I masturbate in the privacy of the bathroom, usually sitting on the toilet after I urinate (or sometimes defecate). Or, in the shower. Just as long as I have privacy. I find that I think about masturbating several times a day, but I only actually do it maybe twice a week. I don’t see anything wrong with masturbating, at least when you are single. Hormones tend to build up and lead to sexual frustration, and I would go crazy if I weren’t able to take care of those urges. I hope this helps in understanding, especially for those who are single.

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